The Masked Simger by Tiger: Round 4 (Guess! Guess!)

 Announcer: It's final five week, ladies and gentlemen. And I'm afraid you've caught the masked simgers about to, well, I do believe two of them are about to step up to the podium and perhaps give you a few hints to who they are...we shall see...do remember, another two bite the dust tonight. 

Which will leave us with...our final three. 

Robot: Would you give it a rest, Rabbit? 

Bunny: Who are you calling rabbit, woman of tin? 

Robot: There are certain things in life a person is destined to accomplish, no matter what they themselves believe - and one of those is losing at a competition. Or seeing someone move on without you. 

Bunny: The debate continues to be in session - even if I remind you, iron lady, that I'm perching on your side of the fence. I may have been a winner once - but my time beyond the fame has scorched me with losses. 

We are chasing rings around each other. 

Robot: Indeed it seems we are. 

Bunny: I have another question for you, Robot, another query, just to throw us into a burrow. What is it, who is it, what is it, you ask? 

Robot: I ask, I ask - there may always be questions from me. 

Bunny: Why is orange marmalade like the Wicked Witch of the West? 

Robot: I do believe you stump me there, Bunny. 

Robot: If I had to guess - I'd say, one is small, blobbish, and the other...well, the other has dark hair. Dresses in black. My dear Bunny - there's almost nothing in common with marmalade and the Witch. 

Raccoon: This riddle is no fun! 

Robot: I have to agree with the furry friend in the audience. 

Bunny: Listen close while I tell you their similarities. Yes, you are right, there are polar opposites to the two things, but there is something you are missing - marmalade and the Wicked Witch are both old creations. Like you, Robot. 

Robot: How preposterous! 

Bunny: I was only kidding - about that being their connection, at least. 

The truth is...well I just don't know. 

Just like no one knows who I am! 

Raccoon: Boo! I could make this ten times more fun and juicy! 

Gnome: How about we see what that entails? 

Could be a little out there, could be unnatural...

Robot: How about I steer us back to our topic at hand - 

Bunny: We never had a topic! We were freestyling! 

Knight: Psst, Gnome. 

Gnome: Oooh a little hidden espionage is it, Knight? 

Knight: Nothing of the sort...you know my days of wild nights and espionage, as you call it, are behind me. 

Gnome: But you're not against living a little, changing things up. 

Just last week I saw you without the armour on...

Raccoon: I can't hear what those two are whispering about...maybe my ears are busted from all the loud noises and the singing and the - what else...

Bunny: No one is paying much attention now. The lights have dimmed. 

Robot: They certainly have not, we have a whole show still going! 

Raccoon: Do we? Could've sworn we had multiple going at the moment. 

Robot: This debate will surely go nowhere if we can't all agree. 

Bunny: On what, Robot, on what? 

Robot: Which flavour of milk is better, then? 

Let's see a raise of hands! White, red, chocolate or almond? 

Gnome: Stiff pickings. Who would dream of drinking red milk? 

Robot: Strawberry! I meant strawberry! 

Bunny: It seems Robot has lost her rocking chair and spectacles. 

Lost her nut. Well, I'll be raising my hand when you call for chocolate. 

Robot: Chocolate! Who else loves chocolate milk? 

Gnome: I certainly don't discriminate...

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Knight: Speaking of chocolate...

Knight: Nothing screams "mmmm, yummy" like a super helping of chocolate fondue with some strawberries, or marshmallows, or - 

Gnome: Banana bread! 

Knight: Aren't you a unique one! 

You can have your banana bread and eat it too, if you'd like. 

Gnome: Doesn't look like they have left any out for me - oh well, I'll just have a strawberry, dip it in, maybe just a few. Or nine. 

Knight: I think I'll have two. 

Gnome: Have to keep yourself nice and slim, huh, Mr Knight in Shining Armour. 

Knight: The show starts soon too! 

Gnome: Aw, no fun. 

I must say - strawberries are my favourite fruit. Although I've tried most of the fruits under the sun and some have been yummier than others. 

Knight: Is that a thinly veiled comment on your sexuality? 

Gnome: Of course not. I like fruit. 

Knight: Don't we all. 

Knight: Oh my swords - what is Bunny up to over there? 

Gnome: Pre-performance warm ups. She loves them. 

Knight: Has anyone seen Raccoon? 

Gnome: No. But Robot is signalling - the show is about to begin! 

Announcer: Esteemed guests - it is indeed the time! Tonight, our final five will perform for you all, and two more will be unmasked. I hope you enjoyed the pre-show...and perhaps you figured out some more about our masked simgers. Maybe a clue or two was thrown in their conversations, just for you, our audience. The singers do hope someone recognises them for their clues and their beautiful voices! Alright - on with the show!!!

 Announcer: First up to sing tonight, the lawn-lazing, the exceptional...Gnome! 

Tonight he'll be singing a lovely little ditty, New by Ben Platt.

Take it away, Gnome! 

 Gnome

Wish that I'd known this feeling was coming

When I was crying over you

Now that you're gone, I carry nothing

It feels like flying

 Gnome

Boy, I used to throw a party over every little thing you'd do

Never going back, never going back to that

Heartsick little lover boy who went and lost himself in you

'Cause now I'm feeling so brand...

 Gnome

New, new, new

Oh, I've never felt so brand

New, new, new

Oh, I've never felt so brand

 Gnome

Oh, and somewhere in your room

I left my virtue and my favourite shoes

I don't want 'em back, never give 'em back to me

You can walk a mile in 'em, tell me how they feel on you

I'll be busy being so brand

NEW, NEW, NEW

 Announcer: Next to take the mike is our cute and fluffy, lovable Bunny - last time Bunny put a spell on our hearts with her rendition of a classic...and another classic shall come tonight, a classic redecorated from the ways of her parents...give it up for Bunny, performing (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones! 

 Bunny

I can't get no satisfaction

I can't get no satisfaction

Cause I try and I try and I try and I try

I can't get, I can't get no! 

 Bunny

When I'm driving in my car

and the man comes on the radio

and he's telling me more and more

about some useless information

supposed to fire my imagination

I can't get no, oh no, no, no! 

Hey, hey, hey! 

 Bunny

That's what I say! 

I can't get no satisfaction

I can't get no satisfaction

'Cause I try, and I try, and I try, and I try

I can't get no, I can't get no 

 Bunny

When I'm watching my TV

and a man comes on and tells me

how white my shirts can be

But he can't be a man cause he doesn't smoke

The same cigarettes as me

I can't get no! Hey, hey, hey

 Announcer: Two performances down - how do the both of you think you did tonight? Enough to stay in the competition? 

Bunny: You betcha bottom dollar! 

Gnome: One can only hope so, when life is but a garden compared to this show.

Announcer: Another masked member of the competition is about to take the stage...what will Raccoon sing tonight? 

 Announcer: Last time, Raccoon performed a Lady Gaga tune, but this time, it's something a little different...a Billie Eilish number, Ocean Eyes. 

The stage is yours, Raccoon. 

 Raccoon

I've been watchin' you for some time

Can't stop starin' at those ocean eyes

Burning cities and napalm skies

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes

Your ocean eyes

 Raccoon

No fair

You really know how to make me cry

When you give me those ocean eyes

I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high

Fallin' into your ocean eyes

Those ocean eyes

 Raccoon

I've been walkin' through a world gone blind

Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind

Careful creature made friends with time

He left her lonely with a diamond mind

And those ocean eyes

Raccoon

No fair (no fair) 

You really know how to make me cry

When you give me those ocean eyes (those ocean eyes)  

 Announcer: We've heard from three of our masked simgers, and now, it's time for another to take the stage. Shooting back down to earth, give a warm welcome to the one, the only...Robot. 
Tonight, her melodic voice will enchant us with...Fever by Peggy Lee.

 Robot

Never know how much I love you

Never know how much I care

when you put your arms around me

I get a fever that's so hard to bear

 Robot

You give me a fever when you kiss me

Fever when you hold me tight

Fever in the morning

Fever all through the night

 Robot

Sun lights up the daytime

Moon lights up the night

I light up when you call my name

And you know I'm going to treat you right

 Robot

You give me fever when you kiss me

Fever when you hold me tight

Fever in the morning...

fever all through the night...

 Announcer: Four performances down, which means we have one final performance for the night before we bid two more of our masked simgers a goodbye and goodnight! You've heard a silky song from Gnome, gave some satisfaction to Bunny, stared into the droopy eyes of Raccoon, and came down with Robot fever, so now...it's time for Knight to slow you down to a halt...as the (k)night draws to an end, too...

(sorry, it had to be this version, I'm forever in love with how Helena sings this song...and it feels like it fits with  S - Knight...oops, almost called him by his real name, under the mask) 

 Knight

Rows and floes of angel hair

and ice cream castles in the air

and feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way

 Knight

But now they only block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But clouds got in my way

 Knight

I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow

It's cloud illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all

 Knight

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels 

(this one's for you Wendell) 

The dizzy dancing way you feel 

As every fairy tales comes real

I've looked at love that way

I really don't know love...at all

Announcer: And that is it for tonight, extinguished guests. Gnome, Bunny, Raccoon, Robot, and Knight performed for you one more time, showcasing themselves - and perhaps you've figured out who is underneath one of the masks, perhaps not. Perhaps you know every single one and you're hosting this show and you think to yourself, why not unmask them all, or secretly swap a couple of them, or next time...just swap out our current contestants completely? How would our masked simgers feel about that?  

Robot: You wouldn't dare, mister voice man. 
Announcer: You've never had control over your story, Robot, why would now be different? Oh, I'm sorry - I am just kidding! Let's relax...for a few seconds. 

Announcer: Two of our masked simgers will still be unmasked tonight...that is indeed always a fact, no matter what. Of course - next time our final three will all be unmasked, and our show will end. 
Knight, how are you feeling about your chances? 
Knight: I have never felt guarded protection surrounded by singers possibly better than I am. Who can say? 

Announcer: Who will be unmasked? 

Let's find out our first masked simger taking off the mask tonight, shall we? 

EXTENDED DRUM ROLL PLEASE! 

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Announcer: RACCOON! So sorry, Raccoon, you'll be unmasked tonight! I know, so sad, we wish they can all keep their masks on and keep singing, maybe if they sing long enough it'll power a small country and we can all live there, like a sort of commune of furries and singers and what have you? 

One can imagine, can't they, audience and masked simgers...Raccoon...this way please. 

Bunny: Another one bites the dust, huh, Gnomey? 

Gnome: It has to happen, it has to happen - thank gods it wasn't me! 

Bunny: There's another one tonight, silly man of the garden. I wouldn't deeply inhale yet - oh wait, you can't! 

Gnome: At least I don't lay eggs. Ha! 

Announcer: Get in your final guesses, audience, Raccoon is about to be unmasked...who is it? 

Have you figured it out yet? 

Time to...TAKE. IT. OFF. 

Announcer: And it is...

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Announcer: It's Laurel Lemon-Lime!! Party girl, wild girl, known for multiple reality show appearances and for her wild spirit, she was Raccoon all along! Did you pick up on some of the clues she spouted? Like how most of the Raccoon's songs featured a colour in the title, much like her name. 

Laurel: Yeah I got kinda lazy and just - did some googling for colours! Sneaky little clue. 

Laurel: WOOHOO LET'S PARTY! 

Announcer: And the clue from last episode, out of the two lies and one truth? Laurel has indeed been paid to break herself free from a trap - she appeared on the reality show version of the classic escape room challenges! Clearly she escaped free of severe bodily harm!

Laurel: Shush shush time to booooogie! 

Announcer: Keep on partying hard, Laurel! Thank you for coming on the show and dressing up as a giant raccoon and singing for us - what a thrill ride not just for us, but for you too! But unfortunately you are not the only singer to be unmasked tonight - we must return to our remaining four to unmask one more to reach our final three! 

Announcer: Another one has received the lowest amount of votes and will be unmasked tonight...who will it be? 

It truly is tragic to see another go. 

But here we go...let's extend the amount of time between this sentence and the result so you can stare at our top four a little longer...

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Announcer: Gnome! Unfortunately, Gnome, that spells the end of your time under the mask. You will have to reveal who you are to the world, and that does leave us with our final three, too. 

Gnome, this way please, time to reveal your true identity...

Bunny: It was nice knowing you, Gnome. 

Gnome: I am not dying you know. 

Announcer: Our second unmasking of the night...who is behind the mask? Have you figured it out yet? Get your final guesses in now, esteemed audience, because in a matter of moments you will know who has been behind the Gnome mask all this time...who is it? 

TAKE

 

IT

OFF

Announcer: And it is...

Announcer: It's Kyle West! 

Known for his stint on Abnormality Season 3, where he placed ninth and became the first member of that season's jury, Kyle has been exploring other forays in the reality show world - and here he is, dressing up as a giant garden Gnome on television and singing songs! I'm sure he'll tell you - it's been quite a weird time for all the contestants. And did you pick up on his clues? 

Kyle: Oh yeah it's been strange alright. I would've never thought I'd end up in this position - but I had a blast doing this! 

Hmm...want to know about some of my clues? 

Well, my name does start with the eleventh letter of the alphabet - hi, I'm Kyle! The other two in that set were bogus - last name West, and I was born Kyle. 

What else...well, I am an artist, so I made a few allusions to that, and to dating Grape. Tasting other fruits. 

Even tonight I mentioned the number nine - dreaded ninth place. 

Announcer: Well, thank you for singing your soul out for us, Kyle! 

Unfortunately, we've hung up the Gnome costume tonight, like we did with the Raccoon costume, and all the other costumes before that, but it's been terrific having you on the show! 

Kyle: Thank you for having me! Imma keep dancing now. 

Announcer: Join us next time for the grand finale - our final three will be unmasked and a winner be crowned! Who do you want to win...but more importantly, who is behind those masks? 

I can't wait to see who is shocked and stunned by our reveals next time, when we return for a very special final episode of...

The Masked Simger. 

Stay tuned.